Saturday, February 04, 2006

Insomina and random thoughts

I have been having a hard time falling asleep lately. There is nothing in particular on my mind, but I just seem to lay there in bed, tired, longing to slip into sweet dreamland, but unable to cross over that border to sleep. Last night I lay in bed from 11pm to 2am (the last time I looked over at the glowing red digits on our clock) with a stupid song playing repeatedly in my head - over and over again the same freaking tune. I could not purge it from my head no matter what I did. I tried my yoga breathing, counting slowly, but nothing. I was exhausted but unable to sleep. Then this morning on my one morning to sleep in, when I really really needed to remain snoring on my pillow till almost noon, I awoke at 7:30 with the stupid song playing in my head again. Eventually I gave up, sick of tossing and turning, and got up and made myself some strong coffee. So much for sleeping in. Now I am just trying to remind myself how much I would have loved 5 hours of strait sleep in those months after Pumpkin was born, that I have functioned on much less. Shouldn't that make me feel better?

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Pumpkin and I are spending today alone, as Mr. P is off at his friend’s bachelor party. He left the house at 11am, and I do not expect to see him till he crawls into our bed sometime Sunday morning. I feel like I have been jipped of my weekend - like going into the office on a Saturday. I look forward to the weekends, when I get a break and can hand Pumpkin off to someone else if only for a little bit. Someone else can wipe poop off her butt, sing "The Ants go marching" to her repeatedly and fight with her over who gets to hold the spoon during meal time. Unfortunately we will be missing the wedding, as Mr. P's friend is getting married in India. Two years ago I would have been jumping to go to India and attend a traditional Hindu wedding ceremony and celebration – they party for 3 days people! – and he gets to ride in on a elephant!!! But now that I am a mama I can not rationalize putting my baby gal through numerous vaccinations just so I can see the Taj Mahal. There was also no way I was going on holiday and leaving her with someone else. I still have a hard time leaving her for a few hours so we can go to dinner and a movie. But regardless I am bummed out that I had to make that choice. Some parts of parenthood really really suck!

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Why is it that everyone feels that they are a baby expert? There are always those strangers that feel it is their duty to give you unasked for advice. Your baby is too cold, too warm or hungry. She is crying because - although she just ate - she is starving, it is not possibly because sometimes babies just cry - that is what they do! When Pumpkin was a about month old some woman had me panicking because according to her I should have a hat on my baby. No matter that it was the end of June and almost 80 degrees out, Pumpkin was going to catch her death in cold because there was a slight breeze and her head was uncovered. Of course being the over sensitive and under confident new mom I actually let this woman get to me, and worried for days that because of me Pumpkin was going to be hospitalized for pneumonia. Thank goodness that with time comes the ability to shoot back at this unsolicited advice. Yesterday I had Pumpkin in her Baby Bjorn on the train and had a scarf draped from my chest over her head to help her fall asleep (she is easily distracted). I noticed this man staring at me, and when I glared back at him he asked “can she breathe under there?” No sir, I am purposely suffocating my child, of course I am too stupid to make sure she could breathe. I am only her mother, and you are a stranger, it is only natural that you would know better than me. I glared at him and said “She can breathe just fine thank you”. Ass hole!

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In less than a week I am flying to SF with Pumpkin – alone - without a seat for her. I am panicking. What was I possibly thinking when I booked the ticket? Yeah she was incredibly well behaved last time, but she was 3 months then and had a bassinette to sleep in the entire 10 hour flight. This time she is 8 months, almost crawling and unable to stay still for a split second. How the hell am I going to handle her for 10 hours on an airplane, on my lap? How am I supposed to even eat, or pee? Most important how to I avoid having a breakdown right there in isle 26 seat D while flying over Greenland? I think I will hand out sympathy earplugs to all those in the seats next to me, and if things get bad I will just leave her screaming in the isle while I hide in the bathroom and down those free mini vodkas for the remainder of the flight. Please tell me something to help me survive; I will try anything short of drugging her!

posted by Laura @ 2:28 PM   6 comments