Saturday, February 18, 2006

Feeling Fat

Ever since pumpkin was born I have been carrying around this extra layer of flab at my waistline. People always said my body would be changed by the pregnancy, I just did not know I would feel so unhappy with the new motherly me. At first I figured it would go away, my body took 9 months to get to the point that I looked like I swallowed a whole watermelon, I could not expect it to go back in a month. But it has been almost nine months since I gave birth and when I look in the mirror I still see someone else's body.

I lost all my pregnancy weight in six weeks so I am unsure of where this blubber came from. My ass sure does not look any smaller, my legs are not any leaner. Perhaps my boobs are a bit less perky, but they still fill my pre-pregnancy bras. How can I be the same weight as I was before yet have at least 2 inches of additional fat on my belly? And how the hell do I get rid of it!? We are going to Tuscany this summer with friends and I would like to feel comfortable in a swimsuit. Not a bikini or anything, I am not asking for miracles. But I would like to not have to hide behind towels and wraps the entire trip. I would like to feel slightly confident in my appearance.

Before this holiday I started doing tae-bo and pilates videos in the hope that I may be able to shed that fat and tone up my abs. I know if I stick to it they should work, but I can't help but want some instant fix, a DIY liposuction or something. I want to go clothes shopping here and not cry when I stand in the changing room under those awful fluorescent lights. I want to not have to wonder what everyone is thinking when they see me now - do they think I am fat? - that I have let myself go? I want my body back - is that too much to ask?

posted by Laura @ 10:30 PM   8 comments